In most instances, people would agree that waking up in the arms of their lover is one of the best feelings in the world. The feel of skin on skin contact, limbs tangled together, managing to be so close that you can hear the other's heartbeat gently thumping away in their chest. All of the little things combine together and create a private bliss that can make most people forget about anything. However as Ludwig Beilschmidt lay in bed, holding your frame completely to his bare chest, he wasn't completely at ease as he should have been.
You slept soundly, your chest rising and falling steadily as your heart beat lazily against his bare chest. Your breath came out in short puffs, hitting your German's chest. You could look so innocent when you slept, and your innocent face could sometimes ease Ludwig back into the recesses of sleep, but not tonight. Tonight, he was unable to sleep, despite having all the comforts that came with having you so close. His mind was buzzing with thoughts of all sorts.
You were practically all he could think about nowadays, now that he wasn't that occupied with training. It wasn’t that he had given up training though, just put it on the back burner. After all, one didn't have that much time for training when on their honeymoon. Or rather, he could have found time if you hadn’t specified to him that during these couple of weeks he wouldn't find any time for training whatsoever. Call it selfish, but you wanted him all to yourself for the two weeks or so after your wedding. No training, no phone calls, no anything. Nothing but the two of you together at some secluded little house in Germany. As if you were thinking just these thoughts in your sleep, a faint smile curved your lips up as you twisted a bit in your sleep, edging even closer to Ludwig, sighing after you had gotten yourself comfortable.
Ludwig looked down at you, his baby blue eyes carefully roaming your figure as one of his large, calloused hands was pressed to the top of your head, some locks of your hair becoming entwined in his fingers. He had married you, that much was obvious, and what more was obvious was just how much he loved you, but now he found that he was worried. Worried that your feelings might fade, worried he might somehow slip up, (After all, he was never one that did well with emotion.) worried that somehow everything would end up falling apart around him as it had done quite a few times before.
Snapping him away from his thoughts, you again moved in your sleep, your arms sliding around his waist as you parted your lips, letting his name escape in a single, innocent act of dreaming. The way you said his name was so sweet and pure, something Ludwig wasn't exactly used to. After all, he was a nation that had seen many brutal wars, he wasn't conditioned for sweetness, but for callousness. Yet somehow, whenever you were involved, he managed to forget the callousness he had thought might have been permanently attached to his very being. He could only feel a sense of happiness. The feelings you were able to somehow supply him were different, but somehow pleasant to the man.
And as this man held you protectively in his grasp, almost as if he feared you might run away, he finally felt himself sense some remnants of sleep that were edging towards the very brink of his consciousness, and this man finally realized he didn't have to worry about anything, not as long as you were in his arms.
Feeling himself beginning to slip into the depths that was sleep, there was a passing thought that entered Ludwig Beilschmidt mind, a thought he most likely wouldn't remember when morning came. That single thought was that even if he felt so passionately about you he might never find the words to tell you. It wasn’t because he wanted to hesitate, and it wasn’t because his feelings weren’t at all true, it was just the way his personality functioned. If the Ludwig actually remembered these thoughts in the morning, then he might have looked you in the eye, tried to overcome the barrier that was his personality, and tell you how he felt. He would tell you how he would never leave, and he would tell you that you made his heart skip a beat whenever you looked at him. However, he wouldn’t remember, which would really be irrelevant, because Ludwig would never have to tell you any of these things.
You already knew.